xoros

She’s amazing <3

Further to my last entry, Elana is continuing to fight a good fight on Feministing with this post. I seriously doubt I will comment, I’m not even sure I want to read the comments that much once it gets going. But kudos, Elana, for a very, very, pertinent and well made point. And for continuing to be prepared to fight that amount of transphobic bigotry.

[Update - 11/11/09]

Since posting gossip analysis about a popular US television programme is clearly more important to the Feministing editors, than, ya know, actually saying anything or doing anything other than completely killing trans subjects through comment asphixiation, I’d say they clearly aren’t serious enough about trans issues. Meh, sadly not really much of a surprise.

I really would like to like Feministing. I’ve tried to. As others have called for boycotts to draw attention to transphobia there, or organised open letters to point out the ableism, blogged about the racism, I kept reading, kept wanting to find good in it. Thing is that sometimes there is. It’s a big site and in Community posts that don’t draw a lot of attention it can be possible to have interesting, civil and respectful conversations. However any post that draws in more than a fringe is no safe place for anyone who is not part of the dominant group. It’s quite clear that the success of Feministing is such that the editors have absolutely no ability to control, moderate or otherwise address the problems they have with their commenters and have pretty much given up trying to, relying instead on readers using the report a post mechanism.
This, however, is not working. The about page states:

“the Feministing editors believe that racism, classism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, and hate speech constitute anti-feminism and have no place on the site.”

but a very quick trawl through any community post covering issues where these might be relevant will bring up comments, often many comments, that express exactly those kinds of views, often very directly, often in conversation with the very people against whom the prejudice is aimed.

The Feministing community is dominated by middle class, North American, white, young women who often appear to be new to feminism and often have rarely, knowingly, come across any minority other than gay and lesbian people. They are not used to conversations about privilege, not used to the idea they have any and are not really in a position to learn from being called on it without reacting very negatively. With such a group any open and large scale community blogging and commenting is going to need moderating. It is going to need blog authors to step in and call privilege, to turn threads that go off into discrimination and prejudice into teaching moments for these young feminists. Without this kind of intervention a culture of tacit agreement by silence is created. Now, I’m not suggesting that the Feministing editors support such prejudice, but by never intervening, by allowing it to continue unchecked and unchallenged on their site they appear to be condoning it by silence. As a result the commenters feel justified in their opinions and never do gain insight into the lives of people different to themselves. They continue to feel secure and safe in their privilege.

The editors have have been called on this a few times, asked to do something about the situation which, to me, appears to be increasingly bad. They have pointed out that what they do is unpaid and that they don’t have the time to carry out that degree of moderation on such a large number of postings and comments and it is a fair point. However to me the answer ought not to be to just cut moderation loose entirely. The Community posting section is rapidly becoming so vociferously transphobic (along with other forms of prejudice) that any voice that is not is very, very rapidly completely drowned out.

Take the comments in these three threads, all started by the same author. The first two did not attract a large audience and some interesting discussion was had. Not everyone agreed and personally I do think there was privilege and transphobia expressed. However it was a dialogue and as someone in the minority being discussed I did at least feel like people were listening and learning. By the third one, however, the subject or title gained attention and as threads sometimes do went critical and attracted a wider audience. And what an audience. The thread is essentially one long dehumanising, transphobic and trans misogynist, fear and loathing filled ode to why nice people should feel violated at the very idea of fucking a trans woman. Right down to suggestions that being attracted to trans people is a specific sexuality and that passing is deceptive for goodness sake. Without any sense of irony there are comments there that utterly reproduce those used in trans panic defenses in legal cases to justify violence against a trans person. I think it is also significant that a set of conversations about a trans man very quickly became only about trans women and our gender performance, sexuality and desirability as a romantic partner, or not.

There are voices arguing against the prejudice and calls in thread to consider that they are discussing real people, that we are actually there and actually reading what they are saying about us. However those are steam rollered under the jugernaught of transphobia and privilege. At no point, despite two comments being deleted after being reported, does an editor step in to say anything. It amounts to tacit approval of the comments, whether intended to be or not.

Just a couple of days after the the third of those comment threads another post in community managed to be utterly transphobic with the phrase (emphasis mine):

Why do bisexuals still feel so alienated, even when LGBT culture is becoming so mainstream? Afterall, there we are right there in the acronym, in between the gays and the trannies.

No one challenged it, no moderator checked it, it’s still there. I’m not surprised no trans person challenged it coming hot on the heels of the transphobic melt down just past.

Feministing faces a choice. With increasing criticism from feminists who sit at the intersections of other prejudices it seems to me to be slowly losing credibility as a serious feminist website. If the editors do have a desire for it to be seen as a serious feminist forum that has a real commitment to challenging prejudice – and here I mean beyond that addressed by middle class, able bodied, white, cis, North American, feminism – then they urgently need to address the state of their community.

If they don’t have time to do so then they need to consider ways to limit, remove or otherwise bring it to a manageable state. They need to find ways to educate the young feminists they have attracted. They have the audience, now they need to do something with it to live up to the goals they have stated. Their other choice is to continue to go for popularity and readers eyes and to increasingly been seen as only paying lip service to intersectionality and minority rights. Indeed, if they are not careful then the editors themselves will become linked to the kind of unchecked prejudice they are seen to allow on Feministing.

Just because you aren’t racist, doesn’t mean you never have a racist thought or say something racist.

If you aren’t homophobic, you will still sometimes express a bigoted sentiment.

Even if you are not sexist, sometimes you will say something or believe something that is.

If you don’t fear trans people, it doesn’t mean you don’t have transphobic thoughts.

Hate is not the same as prejudice, although they overlap. We all exist in dominant cultures that are all of these things and so we are all affected by them. The point is to listen when you are called out on something you have said. The point is to not feel comfy in your priviliges and to be prepared to understand when you have absorbed more of the dominant memes than you realise.

Until truely unbiased and fair cultures are achieved we all, no matter how progressive we think we are, need to be aware that we may well be expressing those privileges we do have. It is not an either or thing.

In the last week my blog has attracted more spam than usual to certain posts. One reason comments from new people are set for me to approve before appearing. An increasing number have been trying to get links to “shemale porn” posted in comments.

Quick quote from wikipedia on that word shemale:

In LGBT communities, especially amongst transgender individuals, the term is considered offensive for its connotations, associations with sex industries and implication that one’s gender identity is less than genuine. It is often seen by transsexual people as a term of abuse. According to Professors Laura Castañeda and Shannon Campbell at the University of Southern California’s Annenberg School of Journalism, using the term for a transwoman is considered “highly offensive and inaccurate”.

Seriously, what kind of lowlife fuckwit do you need to be to start trying to post that on a trans woman’s personal blog? Take your objectification of trans women, trans misogyny and transphobia and use it to do unspeakable things to yourselves. Idiots.

Just a quick addition today! I’m all ranted out for the moment, lucky people you.

So, a nonpology around the original incident that caused this has appeared. That’s my opinion of it anyway. For a more detailed and angry response than I can currently muster, my personal favorite so far is geopunk’s.

And also, if you want a very well written, non ranting explanation of how othering works and how the cis~ words fit into destabilising this, then I really highly recommend this one. It’s quite excellent and has easy to understand tables and examples. There is even less excuse left now!

[EDIT] There is a very interesting and generally well tempered debate going on in the comments of the apology post, it must be said.

Hello again and welcome back to my continuing current preoccupation with the words cis, cisgender and cissexual. Clearly I haven’t got my frustration out of my system yet. Quiet at the back, no groaning. Today I’m going to very quickly (no really, doing this at the length the conversations these are based on would need a whole website for each bit) go through the objections I’ve heard about those oh so difficult to understand and accept words that cis (oops used it twice already) people have thrown at me (and usually ignored my answers in order to throw right back at me). Then I’m going to tell you what I hear when they are said. And what I think of that.

Stop pushing an identity on me!

Well, I have kind of covered this, right? So, you know, basically it’s just isn’t. Kthx.

Gender is a social construct! It doesn’t exist! Therefore cisgender is a flimflam!

Whoa, wait a moment, so what you seem to be saying is that trans people are just making it up about their gender identities and basically you think we’re all in dire need of psychiatric help? No, you are, you can’t deny it, because if gender identity is only a social construct then clearly my assertion that I have one, that it is not derived from my natal body is also false and the fact I do so must be a symptom of some deep issues. Cos, you don’t insist on having a gender do you sane cis person? Well no, you don’t need to. Everyone agrees and reinforces yours. You’ve never needed to actually think about and locate that sense of self. You’ve not had to consider whether you even have one and then try to assert your right to a self and you still don’t! Oh and you know? I’ve just noticed that your argument that rules me as a liar for making mine up has handily for you ruled anything I say about my lived experience that would support my position also suspect. Go you! You’ve discovered a magic anti trans people shield that psychiatrists have been using on us for ages!

But it’s a binary and binaries are evil! What about people who are genderqueer! You excluder you!

Well how ironic. You’ve bogged me down into explaining cis and trans in ever decreasing circular arguments and now you want to try to trip me up by going “Aha! You’re prejudiced against people who aren’t binary gendered!”? Well thanks for noticing they exist too! Convenient moment to do so as well! But wait, you know if we hadn’t spent the last eon trying to get the concept of cis to fit into your brain, we could have gone on to talk about why trans and cis don’t cover the whole rainbow of people out there. You know, bogging me down in details and ignoring what is said then suddenly zooming out to the big picture is not actually the same as proving that I am prejudiced against genderqueer people. In fact, I never said it was a binary, you did!

But it’s so complex with the trans/cisgender and the trans/cissexual and the trans/cis and the genderqueer and everything!

Ah I see, so basically you’re saying you think transgender means the same as transsexual, cos that’s clearly simple and easy and means we’re all just “transgenders” and I’m “a transgender”? Well no… I’m a woman. Trans woman if that’s relevant. Not a thing! Not a strange other noun that makes me sound like a different species. And while we’re on the subject? I’m transgendered and transsexual. Cos they aren’t the same thing. I mean really, is that so hard to get? If I start bringing in cis based counterparts that mess with that handy othering of me you think your brain might explode? Well… I managed to learn the difference. In one afternoon! You can too! It’s not so hard, go on, I believe in you!

But having your gender match the one assigned at birth just doesn’t line up to a word! Reductionist!

Hold on one moment. You’re happily refering to me as trans, or transgender (or “a transgender”, good grief), based on the fact that my gender doesn’t match the one I was assigned at birth but… there can’t be a word for when they do? I’m reducing you to a word? I’m being essentialist? I’m sorry, what was that word again… you know, the one you were using that was based on reducing me to the relationship between my gender identity and my body? It’s on the tip of my tongue… ah well, it’ll come to me.

You can’t create a label for another group! That’s oppressing me!

Oh you don’t want to be labelled? You don’t want to have words that reduce you imposed on you? You feel that belittles you? That it’s not fair for other people to label you? That you have the right to be known as person? That’s right, poor you! Me and the million trans person army at my back just marched in and imposed a word on you. We’re sorry, martial law was inevitable wasn’t it? I mean, we just have so much power to impose things on you don’t we. Nevermind, perhaps one day you can escape the matrix by unplugging us from the mains electricity! I mean really? You think trans people have that kind of agency over the cis majority? Really? You think we asked to be labelled? You think we want to be known as anything other than a person? Why do you think we use this little cis adjective then? You know, it might, and I’ll take a wild stab at this, it might be because we would like you to consider the idea that we aren’t freaks, special snowflakes, a different species, abnormal fundamentally different to you and that you shouldn’t enforce transphobia by having special othering words for us and there be no word at all for the default state you possess and are othering us from.

I should get to decide what label describes me!

We’d happily have used one you all came up with but, tsk, I guess you didn’t check your to-do list yet. I’m sure you would have got around to it eventually. Perhaps we should come back in twenty years when you have one? Would that be enough time? You do promise to get round to it don’t you? Or perhaps, you know, we might be allowed to talk about these things before you catch up with us? Actually, now I think about it, isn’t it possible that you can only catch up with us if there is a word like cis? Have you considered that unless we created one we couldn’t even be talking about the default at all? Even amongst ourselves?

It’s an ugly looking/sounding word, I don’t like it!

Well… that’s constructive! I don’t like the word transsexual, personally. I still get stuck using it. Other people understand it, it was here before I arrived so I guess that’s that. We could try using our own made up ones but it might be a bit hard for other people to know what on earth we were on about. While we’re at it, can we replace the word cabbage with “zoon”? I like it more!

It’s an academic word and therefore elitist!

Oh I’m sorry! I confused you with a new word that sounds clever? I know, lets ban all new words that sound clever and replace them with ones that aren’t. So, first on my list is economics. That sounds way too academic to me and it’s not been around that long either, what shall we use instead? Or do you mean that it only gets used by that rare person who studies gender for a living? Aha! So all the trans people and allies in the world using it are really a secret plot by gender studies professors to make sure they have a job! How cunning! I’ll be sure to mention we’ve been rumbled at the next faculty meeting.

And rest…

Well, there you go. Glad I got that out of my system! If you come up with any more, please do let me know. No really, I’m just dying to hear why you should be allowed to other me and defend your cis privilege. It’s not like it happens to me often at all is it.

Warning! This post might be controversial. Sorry about that. It’s about me! So I can’t help it!

The fact that I lack any safe space is a source of disillusionment for me. I do not expect people to be false and to go against their own opinions to provide it. It’s important to say that. That would be unfair to them and false safety for me. What exercises me is the fact that I don’t feel I have any unequivocal support for my identity and my lived experience against all comers. I feel I have no community to fight my corner with me when I fire a flare into the darkness for aid. And here I mean wade in and stick up for me, ask questions later, support. In a world where every trans person I know (and the only other person I know personally who might possibly relate to this post and finds themself in a similar  position would definitely like me to point out that she’s genderqueer), has found this, it’s hard to express quite how othered and alone that can feel.

What’s the reason for this you might ask? Go on, I’ll imagine someone asking if it helps. I’ll tell you, I don’t want srs. Call me crazy, call me inconceivable but that’s how I wish to live my life and gender. This is my life, my body and my gender identity. There is no one size fits all way of doing it, although anyone who wants to dispute the need and right of trans people who do desire physical transition can totally rely on my fighting on their side!

You know, I have found a few trans women who are in the same place. They are like me, their outlet is blogging. Reading some one else’s blog is something yes, it makes me feel like I’m not a one off for a start!  But it isn’t the same as a community or personal friends. It is oft repeated and sometimes accepted that 90% of trans women never have srs for all sorts of reasons*. I can find no source for this by the way, but I’ve read it in print and online several times, it took me ages to find the first time round when I just needed to know I wasn’t the only woman who thought this way. In fact, it’s such a shady figure that even when I did find it the comments have always been that all that 90% wanted srs but couldn’t. OK, well, I put my hand up. I probably could have it, but I don’t want it. So, is that 89.99 recuring percent now? With me all in my own category? Or since I exist… you never know so might others! How shocking! Surely you’re out there? But where!?

We’re the dark matter of trans. Invisible and disputed, a theory for some people to speculate on and project their own ideas and pet conceits on to. We have to fight even harder and on even more fronts to have our identities accepted, not just as women, but as transsexuals in the first place, to have the very fact we too have gender dysphoria and are valid women accepted. I think we must be giving up on communities as even amongst trans women our existence, motivations and even identities can be subject to question and suspicion. I know this, I’ve looked all over for you others! Did we just miss each other in those forums? Were you just around the corner when I wandered into virtual world trans spaces? We should make an appointment next time!

We are othered by the othered and cast adrift to fend for ourselves, probably because we make it even messier and more confusing and therefore even harder for the cis majority to accept everyone else. Gender fuck? I sex fuck, sexuality fuck and then get dirty with notions of genderqueer and binary too for afters and I’m still a binary lesbian woman. For my next trick I’ll time travel, or perhaps just be really awkward, I can manage that one sleeping ! My life, body and gender are a grey area for everyone to try and map and claim for their side. Or one of  the other sides, depending whether they want me in their team or not .

Wait a moment though, I’m not a team capture the flag game! So, I find the only sensible response is to plant a fuck off huge sign “Here be a dragon, and she’s fucking pissed off  about it :V”

Thank you for listening .
With love.

*EDIT This includes people who can’t for health reasons, for financial reasons, limits to do with their lives as well as those of us who are able to find a way to balance our dysphoria without. Thought this was important to make really, really clear!