xoros

I’ve had a few conversations about anger in the last couple of months. Indeed, my last few posts have been about an event that has caused anger, that included anger in it. In fact, I read this today, on a very definitely trans ally person’s blog (not saying which because who wrote it is not something I want to make relevant to what I’m saying):

But the idea that trans people are always righteously angry, entirely respectful, and never diminish their own anger and hurt by throwing invective and insult at the people they’re arguing with… oh, that’s RICH. The trans community is notorious, at this point, for going batshit over things in a way not seen before by – well, most people.

The part that really surprised me was the word “notorious”. Is that really so? I certainly have seen statements and levels of anger from other trans people that I myself find uncomfortable. The use of personal insult and of invective, of going straight to the accusation of “you say this so you therefore are directly contributing to the physical harm of trans people”, is something I’ve seen and been left feeling deeply uncomfortable about. That isn’t justifiable anger, that’s rage in my book. Now I’ve definitely been a bit ranty lately, but angry? Not so much, I don’t see what I wrote as angry particularly. Absolutely I was writing out of frustration. Other’s have been angry and even enraged by the same thing. Equally I’ve read some very calm and well argued rebuttals. In fact, a whole range of attitude from one end of the scale to the other. So why is there is a perception of us as a notoriously angry group and where has it come from?

In any online debate, sooner or later someone “shouts”. Often others join in. The moment this happens you may as well pack up and go home as the argument from then on is going to be dominated by anger, rage and counter accusation. Listening has stopped. It’s not just trans people in trans related subjects, it’s all over the place, it’s the internet. So why are we notorious for it and no one else is singled out? Perhaps we have some louder shouters? More enraged people (justifiably or not)? Or is it because when we do it that anger is more noticeable to others because it’s trans people doing it? I’m not sure I know the answer to this at all.

Myself I try never to enter rage territory and I also try to resist anger, righteous or otherwise except in private. That’s me and my choice. But writing polemically, does that single me out as an angry trans person? It ought not, plenty of other people use the same rhetorical style at times, but does it seem like anger to other people? If so, why? I’m left feeling confused by this quote and slightly let down by the author. It seems so devoid of context yet at the same time I have seen comments and writing that personally I’d be very unhappy to be assocciated with.

It’s a conundrum and I don’t think there is an easy answer. I’m left with the suspicion that it is both true and untrue at the same time.

Just a quick addition today! I’m all ranted out for the moment, lucky people you.

So, a nonpology around the original incident that caused this has appeared. That’s my opinion of it anyway. For a more detailed and angry response than I can currently muster, my personal favorite so far is geopunk’s.

And also, if you want a very well written, non ranting explanation of how othering works and how the cis~ words fit into destabilising this, then I really highly recommend this one. It’s quite excellent and has easy to understand tables and examples. There is even less excuse left now!

[EDIT] There is a very interesting and generally well tempered debate going on in the comments of the apology post, it must be said.

Hello again and welcome back to my continuing current preoccupation with the words cis, cisgender and cissexual. Clearly I haven’t got my frustration out of my system yet. Quiet at the back, no groaning. Today I’m going to very quickly (no really, doing this at the length the conversations these are based on would need a whole website for each bit) go through the objections I’ve heard about those oh so difficult to understand and accept words that cis (oops used it twice already) people have thrown at me (and usually ignored my answers in order to throw right back at me). Then I’m going to tell you what I hear when they are said. And what I think of that.

Stop pushing an identity on me!

Well, I have kind of covered this, right? So, you know, basically it’s just isn’t. Kthx.

Gender is a social construct! It doesn’t exist! Therefore cisgender is a flimflam!

Whoa, wait a moment, so what you seem to be saying is that trans people are just making it up about their gender identities and basically you think we’re all in dire need of psychiatric help? No, you are, you can’t deny it, because if gender identity is only a social construct then clearly my assertion that I have one, that it is not derived from my natal body is also false and the fact I do so must be a symptom of some deep issues. Cos, you don’t insist on having a gender do you sane cis person? Well no, you don’t need to. Everyone agrees and reinforces yours. You’ve never needed to actually think about and locate that sense of self. You’ve not had to consider whether you even have one and then try to assert your right to a self and you still don’t! Oh and you know? I’ve just noticed that your argument that rules me as a liar for making mine up has handily for you ruled anything I say about my lived experience that would support my position also suspect. Go you! You’ve discovered a magic anti trans people shield that psychiatrists have been using on us for ages!

But it’s a binary and binaries are evil! What about people who are genderqueer! You excluder you!

Well how ironic. You’ve bogged me down into explaining cis and trans in ever decreasing circular arguments and now you want to try to trip me up by going “Aha! You’re prejudiced against people who aren’t binary gendered!”? Well thanks for noticing they exist too! Convenient moment to do so as well! But wait, you know if we hadn’t spent the last eon trying to get the concept of cis to fit into your brain, we could have gone on to talk about why trans and cis don’t cover the whole rainbow of people out there. You know, bogging me down in details and ignoring what is said then suddenly zooming out to the big picture is not actually the same as proving that I am prejudiced against genderqueer people. In fact, I never said it was a binary, you did!

But it’s so complex with the trans/cisgender and the trans/cissexual and the trans/cis and the genderqueer and everything!

Ah I see, so basically you’re saying you think transgender means the same as transsexual, cos that’s clearly simple and easy and means we’re all just “transgenders” and I’m “a transgender”? Well no… I’m a woman. Trans woman if that’s relevant. Not a thing! Not a strange other noun that makes me sound like a different species. And while we’re on the subject? I’m transgendered and transsexual. Cos they aren’t the same thing. I mean really, is that so hard to get? If I start bringing in cis based counterparts that mess with that handy othering of me you think your brain might explode? Well… I managed to learn the difference. In one afternoon! You can too! It’s not so hard, go on, I believe in you!

But having your gender match the one assigned at birth just doesn’t line up to a word! Reductionist!

Hold on one moment. You’re happily refering to me as trans, or transgender (or “a transgender”, good grief), based on the fact that my gender doesn’t match the one I was assigned at birth but… there can’t be a word for when they do? I’m reducing you to a word? I’m being essentialist? I’m sorry, what was that word again… you know, the one you were using that was based on reducing me to the relationship between my gender identity and my body? It’s on the tip of my tongue… ah well, it’ll come to me.

You can’t create a label for another group! That’s oppressing me!

Oh you don’t want to be labelled? You don’t want to have words that reduce you imposed on you? You feel that belittles you? That it’s not fair for other people to label you? That you have the right to be known as person? That’s right, poor you! Me and the million trans person army at my back just marched in and imposed a word on you. We’re sorry, martial law was inevitable wasn’t it? I mean, we just have so much power to impose things on you don’t we. Nevermind, perhaps one day you can escape the matrix by unplugging us from the mains electricity! I mean really? You think trans people have that kind of agency over the cis majority? Really? You think we asked to be labelled? You think we want to be known as anything other than a person? Why do you think we use this little cis adjective then? You know, it might, and I’ll take a wild stab at this, it might be because we would like you to consider the idea that we aren’t freaks, special snowflakes, a different species, abnormal fundamentally different to you and that you shouldn’t enforce transphobia by having special othering words for us and there be no word at all for the default state you possess and are othering us from.

I should get to decide what label describes me!

We’d happily have used one you all came up with but, tsk, I guess you didn’t check your to-do list yet. I’m sure you would have got around to it eventually. Perhaps we should come back in twenty years when you have one? Would that be enough time? You do promise to get round to it don’t you? Or perhaps, you know, we might be allowed to talk about these things before you catch up with us? Actually, now I think about it, isn’t it possible that you can only catch up with us if there is a word like cis? Have you considered that unless we created one we couldn’t even be talking about the default at all? Even amongst ourselves?

It’s an ugly looking/sounding word, I don’t like it!

Well… that’s constructive! I don’t like the word transsexual, personally. I still get stuck using it. Other people understand it, it was here before I arrived so I guess that’s that. We could try using our own made up ones but it might be a bit hard for other people to know what on earth we were on about. While we’re at it, can we replace the word cabbage with “zoon”? I like it more!

It’s an academic word and therefore elitist!

Oh I’m sorry! I confused you with a new word that sounds clever? I know, lets ban all new words that sound clever and replace them with ones that aren’t. So, first on my list is economics. That sounds way too academic to me and it’s not been around that long either, what shall we use instead? Or do you mean that it only gets used by that rare person who studies gender for a living? Aha! So all the trans people and allies in the world using it are really a secret plot by gender studies professors to make sure they have a job! How cunning! I’ll be sure to mention we’ve been rumbled at the next faculty meeting.

And rest…

Well, there you go. Glad I got that out of my system! If you come up with any more, please do let me know. No really, I’m just dying to hear why you should be allowed to other me and defend your cis privilege. It’s not like it happens to me often at all is it.