Comments on: Passing By http://www.xoros.net/2009/05/03/passing_by/ Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:28:24 +0100 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: The Thang Blog » Blog Archive » Peeing standing up, passing, and more! http://www.xoros.net/2009/05/03/passing_by/#comment-22 The Thang Blog » Blog Archive » Peeing standing up, passing, and more! Mon, 18 May 2009 01:12:18 +0000 http://www.xoros.net/?p=94#comment-22 [...] passing, there was a post about the subject over at the blog Xoros, titled Passing By. It’s pretty brief, but worth a read. From the [...] [...] passing, there was a post about the subject over at the blog Xoros, titled Passing By. It’s pretty brief, but worth a read. From the [...]

]]> By: Mattie http://www.xoros.net/2009/05/03/passing_by/#comment-16 Mattie Thu, 07 May 2009 03:08:16 +0000 http://www.xoros.net/?p=94#comment-16 Thank you Luminis. I understand and agree with what a lot of what you say. Indeed some of the pressures I feel from outside and in are about not just who I am but how I am in my manner of being, moving and seeming. I feel that I could tie myself in knots trying to unravel it all so all I can do is just try and be naturally me, whatever that is. Try not to second guess myself or how others will react. I think this has changed over time too as I have, for want of a better description, grown into myself and begun to feel comfortable and more at ease. I have no doubt that this has been shaped by those around me. In fact sometimes I notice that some of my ways of being are shared with and probably originate with my partner. I feel that some of them have been there much longer than I realised too and are unmasked by my letting my body language be natural instead of denial constrained. I also think that I have had some help in where I find myself, I've been given social reinforcement from those immediately around me since I came out and that has made a safe space for me to become, to learn how to manifest from within sometimes perhaps? I think I see my social identity as an intersection of something coming from within me and how that interacts with the community around me. I do have a very strong sense of my worldview as a self generated and defined thing as I have always had one at odds with the majority around me. Although it does absorb and consider what I learn by interacting - now more than it did when I was younger and much much more closed in on myself. What Cliff said above is an aim. I think it is an ideal rather than something I can achieve fully. I happen to know he's talking from a buddhist perspective and I think that there are ideas there that help me. Such as letting go of fear of not passing, and of letting myself just be instead of forcing it. Of trying not to be too self concious, try too hard to be me and trusting myself to just... be me if possible. Thank you Luminis. I understand and agree with what a lot of what you say. Indeed some of the pressures I feel from outside and in are about not just who I am but how I am in my manner of being, moving and seeming. I feel that I could tie myself in knots trying to unravel it all so all I can do is just try and be naturally me, whatever that is. Try not to second guess myself or how others will react. I think this has changed over time too as I have, for want of a better description, grown into myself and begun to feel comfortable and more at ease. I have no doubt that this has been shaped by those around me. In fact sometimes I notice that some of my ways of being are shared with and probably originate with my partner. I feel that some of them have been there much longer than I realised too and are unmasked by my letting my body language be natural instead of denial constrained.

I also think that I have had some help in where I find myself, I’ve been given social reinforcement from those immediately around me since I came out and that has made a safe space for me to become, to learn how to manifest from within sometimes perhaps? I think I see my social identity as an intersection of something coming from within me and how that interacts with the community around me. I do have a very strong sense of my worldview as a self generated and defined thing as I have always had one at odds with the majority around me. Although it does absorb and consider what I learn by interacting – now more than it did when I was younger and much much more closed in on myself.

What Cliff said above is an aim. I think it is an ideal rather than something I can achieve fully. I happen to know he’s talking from a buddhist perspective and I think that there are ideas there that help me. Such as letting go of fear of not passing, and of letting myself just be instead of forcing it. Of trying not to be too self concious, try too hard to be me and trusting myself to just… be me if possible.

]]> By: Luminis http://www.xoros.net/2009/05/03/passing_by/#comment-15 Luminis Thu, 07 May 2009 02:37:33 +0000 http://www.xoros.net/?p=94#comment-15 Lovely, well-considered post. I think there's another layer to the onion, however :P I very much hear your desire for autonomy--to desire to pass is to inevitably give control over oneself to others, at least in part, and others may be ignorant, biased or cruel. The problem is that I don't see identity in psychological terms as an internal, individual matter, but as deeply social. Humans are naturally social beings, and who we are is constantly shaped through interaction. This is especially true for nonconscious identity--things like posture, gesture, worldview, and tastes--what sociologists call habitus. Through interaction with others, things that are central to my identity, but very resistant to conscious control, are impacted. This means that having others interact with me as a boi makes my boiself manifest, and having them interact with me from a position of reading me as female winds up undermining my identity. So much as I would like not to care about how others perceive me, "passing" matters to my transition. . . Given that I generally do not pass, this is a current sorrow for me. Working on that. Lovely, well-considered post. I think there’s another layer to the onion, however :P I very much hear your desire for autonomy–to desire to pass is to inevitably give control over oneself to others, at least in part, and others may be ignorant, biased or cruel. The problem is that I don’t see identity in psychological terms as an internal, individual matter, but as deeply social. Humans are naturally social beings, and who we are is constantly shaped through interaction. This is especially true for nonconscious identity–things like posture, gesture, worldview, and tastes–what sociologists call habitus. Through interaction with others, things that are central to my identity, but very resistant to conscious control, are impacted. This means that having others interact with me as a boi makes my boiself manifest, and having them interact with me from a position of reading me as female winds up undermining my identity. So much as I would like not to care about how others perceive me, “passing” matters to my transition. . . Given that I generally do not pass, this is a current sorrow for me. Working on that.

]]> By: cliff http://www.xoros.net/2009/05/03/passing_by/#comment-10 cliff Mon, 04 May 2009 07:35:39 +0000 http://www.xoros.net/?p=94#comment-10 what others think, say,or do is not my concern. what i think, say, and do is my concern. what others think, say,or do is not my concern. what i think, say, and do is my concern.

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